My Surreal Chat with FEMA

Setting: After inspecting our house for damage, a FEMA inspector couldn't answer one of our questions and referred us to the 1-800 number for assistance. The conversation:

Me: I'm calling because the inspector at our house the other couldn't answer this question but told me that you could. I was wondering if it was mandatory that I file a claim with my insurance company...

Operator: (Interrupting) Yes, definitely.

Me: You see, I don't have flood insurance so it isn't going to be covered anyway. I've already provided a copy of my policy where it shows that. And that last time I filed a claim, my insurance company dropped me, and I had to look for three days to find new coverage, and there's only one company who would even write that policy. If I file another claim, I may lose the ability to have insurance altogether. So, given all that, since the claim is going to be denied anyway, I was wondering if I still had to file it.

Him: What you need to do is call the National Flood Insurance Commission, and they can answer your question. But if it were me, I'd definitely go ahead and file that insurance claim. Would you like the number for the Flood Insurance Commission?

Me: I don't think you are understanding my question. I'm not asking about obtaining insurance, I'm asking if I still have to file a claim with my liability carrier to be eligible for FEMA assistance if I don't have flood insurance.

Him: Yes, I understand. You should call your insurance company and they can answer your question, or I can give you the 1-800 number to the National Flood Insurance Commission and they should be able to help you.

Me: Ok, but an outside organization is not going to be able to tell me what FEMA's own requirements are. I'm asking if you are going to deny my FEMA application if I don't file an insurance claim.

Him: Right...(stuttering) Look, an inspector has already come out to your house. (Editor's Note: So what?) We can't make you file an insurance claim but if it were me, that's what I would do, even though I understand why you don't want to.

Me: But is it required in order for me to receive FEMA assistance that my file actually show a denied insurance claim, or is it enough to just show you that my policy doesn't cover flood damage?

Him: Well, we recommend that everyone file an insurance claim. (after a beat) What you should do is just wait a few days and you'll see what assistance you will be receiving.

Me: But my application won't be automatically denied because I haven't filed an insurance claim?

Him: (stammering) Well, umm, hmm, I can't tell you whether that's required or not. What you need to do is talk to your insurance company and see if anything is going to be covered. But an inspector has already come to your house.

Me: Ok, do I actually have to file a claim, or is it enough if I just call and ask if I have flood coverage?

Him: Well, there's no requirement- your file does not indicate that any further action needs to be taken. I don't see where you have to do anything, I'm just telling you what I would do. But you should have your notification as to what assistance you are getting within the next couple of days. An inspector has already come to your house.

Me: Ok, thank you.

Him: Now, would you like that number for the National Flood Insurance Commission?

I wish I were making this up.