What I Learned in 2012

Never waste a failure.

-A writer whose name, for the life of me, I can't remember. But I read this quote last year, and it stuck with me. At least the quote did. The author, not so much.  

2012 is over, and thank God for that. 

It was the hardest year of my life, and not just because of all the idiotic facebook rants I encountered during the run-up to the election.  Although that was certainly part of it.  

2012 saw the country face a divisive choice: rehire a President who once promised to stem the ocean's tide but who instead barely managed to keep the government operational, or hire a guy who not-so-secretly hated half the population and never promised, specifically, anything whatsoever.

2012 saw the Mayans proven wrong about the End of Days.  In their defense, however, they correctly predicted the death of Dick Clark, who would no longer be around to usher in 2013.  So they kind of got it right.

2012 marked a summer where high temperatures reached 238 degrees, the debut of Gangnam Style, and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember.  It also featured the London Olympic games that included events such as handball (a game in which a player leaps at full speed into a human wall while attempting to hurl a ball into a guarded net), synchronized cat repelling, and the "modern pentathlon" featuring such "modern" events as steeplechase, fencing and hopscotch. 

Ok, I made one of those events up.  In fact, the modern pentathlon actually includes pistol shooting rather than hopscotch.

Those are the things that might make it into an almanac about the year that just passed.  But the thing is, none of those things are all that important to me. 

Ten years from now, if someone asks me what happened in 2012, I won't remember any of that stuff, except maybe the ridiculousness of watching an event called "modern pentathlon" that contained events outdated by at least a century.

What will I remember?

It is tempting to think that I'll remember that 2012 was the Year of Crap.

In 2012, my brother got cancer. The tenant who lived in my old house in St. Louis reneged on her informal agreement to buy it at the end of her lease term, leaving me with two mortgages and $11,000 in repair bills. A close friend moved away.  Many others let me down.

The church I'd been part of five years didn't practice what it preached.  My little brother in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program stopped returning my calls.  For half the year, I ended up being forced into doing my boss's job responsibilities even though I'd been passed over for the promotion.

I suffered a displaced rib, strep throat, a colonoscopy, four sinus infections, a bulging disk in my back.  My workload exploded beyond what I thought was possible.

Life suddenly seemed harder.  And I haven't even mentioned the things I can't tell you about here.

Those are all things that happened to me in 2012.  But they are not what I'll remember. 

What I'll remember is that this was the year my brother got Stage 3c cancer, but completed a mini-triathlon in protest of his circumstances.  I'll remember that I did it with him, even though I don't own a bike, can barely swim, and had a displaced rib poking into my lung that prevented me from taking deep breaths.  I'll remember that I learned I can accomplish so much more than seems possible if I work consistently at something and refuse to accept defeat. I learned that I can far exceed the limitations I thought I had if only I have the courage to try.

I learned not to dwell on things that don't matter.  My brother has always been one of the most important people in my life, but we let a silly political debate disrupt our relationship not too long before his diagnosis.  If 2012 had been the end of his time on earth, I don't know if I could have forgiven myself for that. So I learned this year that my friends don't have to vote the way I do.  Good people have differing visions as to how to make our country better, and as long as someone is motivated by the right intentions, I don't have to try to agree with what their view of what progress looks like. 

I learned that peace is possible, even in the worst of circumstances, as long as one knows that life's inevitable tragedies are not endured alone. And I learned the importance of reaching out when someone else is in the midst of something difficult. I learned the importance of staying beside those who proved that they care, and the surprising joy of hearing from the people who unexpectedly did.

I also learned:

God doesn't always answer prayers with a "yes" or "no."  Sometimes the answer is just a sense of peace, or a shoulder to cry on, until the answer comes. 

Most of our trying circumstances will eventually pass.  The ones that don't offer the chance to learn something.  Use it.

God has accounted for our own stupidity in drawing up His plan for us.

Don't take anything for granted. Something you love might not be there when you are ready to appreciate it.

If you have three friends who are reliable, and with whom you can talk to about anything, you can consider yourself blessed.  And I'm thankful to have more than that.

If a book isn't interesting by page 50, it's time to move on. No one is handing out medals for finishing bad books.

If you change out of your work clothes as soon as you come home, you'll leave the stress of the work day behind more easily.

You need to say "no" sometimes, even to the people who love you.

You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try.  But if you get to know yourself well enough to become comfortable in your own skin, you'll please the people who matter most, without really trying.  As Oscar Wilde said, "be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."

There's an inner voice in your soul.  If you don't listen to it now, you'll pay the consequences later.

In a good friendship, both parties' natural tendency is to replenish the other's spirit. Don't maintain a one-sided relationship where the giving only flows in one direction.

Forgive yourself and forgive others. None of us are perfect. But if someone keeps burning you in the same way, even after being confronted about it, it might be time to adjust your expectations accordingly.

Your vacation time is precious.  Don't use it on something that won't refresh you.

Stop and look at what direction you are headed, and whether or not you even want to get there.  If not, get off the road. You're still the one in the driver's seat.

Stop right now and think of one thing in your life that you want but don't have. Figure out how to make it happen, and start taking steps that direction.  Your inner voice will yell at you until you do.

Above all else, be considerate.

Find a new author you like every year.

Life is seldom boring for long stretches of time.  When you get a boring stretch, enjoy it and use it to grow while you have the energy free.

My life is a mess. Why anyone listens to me about anything is beyond my comprehension. But you, me and God will get through 2013, come what may. 

I can't wait to see what happens next.