It Won't Stop Raining

It's rained for eight straight days in Atlanta.  

In life ... well, it's been raining all summer.  Maybe even since the pandemic hit 18 months ago.

My luck was all supposed to change this summer, when the world reopened.  I had destroyed my ankle last year six weeks before Covid hit, and then once I was finally able to get around again the world closed down.  This summer I was hoping Covid would be history and we would all rekindle old friendships and make up for lost time.  

Life didn't work out that way. 

I was so optimistic about this summer that when I barely missed a big promotion in June, I posted it social media about how I would bounce back soon to bigger things.  I was sure there would be good times and summer fun until the next turn forward in life came into view.  But things just kept getting worse..

In June I developed a limp in the leg I broke four years ago.  It was just enough to make life uncomfortable outside my couch, so I laid low all summer.  I tried everything my doctor suggested to get rid of some inflamed tissue under my kneecap, but nothing worked to fix it.  I eventually relented a few weeks ago and had surgery in hopes of moving forward, both figuratively and literally. 

My surgery seemed to go well at the time, but its been two-and-half weeks and I'm still worse now than I was before the procedure. I had a follow-up yesterday and my doctor seems concerned now that there might be a different issue causing the problem. The surgery to fix that problem would take a full year to rehab. 

That prospect comes with a heaping side of PTSD for me.  When I broke my knee four years ago, I was told my recover would take six weeks and it ended up taking a fully year.  I can't imagine what rehabbing an injury that's actually supposed to take a full year's worth of recovery would look like.  I can't even let myself to think about it.  I'm hoping I don't have to walk, er... hobble, down that road again, but just the possibility is weighing on me. 

And that's not all. 

There has been a steady parade of storm clouds over me all summer. I keep getting mistaken bills addressed to my house. They are not mistaken in the sense that they are addressed to someone else, mind you, but mistaken in the sense that they are demanding more money for something after I've already paid in fully, or for things that I  didn't owe in the first place. I've straightened them all out eventually, but dealing with them has taken dozens of hours and has been draining.   That parade of bills has been matched only by the concurrent steady parade of new things breaking in my house.  I've spent two dozen hours fighting with my home warranty company to pay for repairs covered by my contract (which is kind of the purpose of the whole arrangement), and I still haven't gotten complete results. It's just as well, because all the parts I need to fix them are back ordered because of Covid anyway.  

Meanwhile, my HOA called a hearing this summer where they tried to fine me $1100 because there was a backlog of feminine hygiene products in my neighbor's pipes.  Apparently they believe that my wife or I was sneaking into our neighbor's house for the purpose of flushing tampons down their toilets.  It was unclear whether they believed we were using them in our home and sneaking them over to flush, or just performing the entire operation in one of our neighbor's bathrooms.  I would have been curious to know, but I didn't think to ask. 

After a hearing I was able to beat the rap for this charge, but I can't take too much credit because the whole saga was obviously ridiculous.  Why would I put feminine hygiene products in my neighbor's toilets when it would be much more entertaining to place them around our complex randomly in common areas?  Apparently my HOA just doesn't know how to have a good time.   

I've lost my edge at work lately too.  I'm in a rut and feeling like I'm ready to move up a level in my department, but nothing has worked out. The one opportunity I had that might have been interesting would have required moving to a new city, but my defective knee won't allow that right now.  I tried to take a vacation to renew my spirit, but that trip was a bust too.  Hawaii was hectic and overcrowded, and we didn't see many rainbows.  

But it sure won't stop raining in Atlanta. 

Sometimes it rains, and the rain doesn't feel obliged to stop because I'd like it too.  The rain doesn't mean to take things out on me, rain is just doing what rain does.  I happen to get wet.  Life has cloudy moments and sunshine that take their turns, but then sometimes you wake up one morning and it seems to rain for months at a time.  Life might have moments where everything falls neatly into place, but those moments never seem to last as long as the rainy seasons sometimes do. Sometimes the dam bursts, or our umbrellas collapse, and everything just gets wet.

Or sometimes your computer malfunctions, as mine just did, and you lose half of your blog and have to try again.  Like I said, it won't stop raining. It simply won't.   

Sometimes I hear people tell me that I should just pray about my misfortunes, and God will make everything alright. But I don't think that's how God works. I know that God can calm fears, and provide peace for now and hope for the future, because I've felt God do all those things.   

But sadness isn't something God intends for you to pray away.  Jesus wept, the Bible tells us. If God didn't take his sadness away, why would God take yours or mine?

I take comfort in the fact that if even Jesus got sad, then probably other people are too. Probably the world is full of people trudging through their day waiting for their own personal rain to end, while wearing a smile just long enough for no one to notice.  Contrary to what Facebook images tell us, all your friends aren't really out there living their best life at every moment.  

I also take comfort in knowing that bad times don't last forever, or at least they haven't yet.  The thing about seasons is that they always slowly change.  Winter doesn't turn to bright summer days overnight, but eventually it turns into the faint beginning of spring. 

The way this summer went, I am perfectly fine with that.  

When that metaphorical spring comes, I just hope there are no April showers this time.  My world doesn't need May flowers right now.  

It just needs to stop raining.

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I wrote the above four days ago but didn't publish it, because it wasn't a finished product.  Neither, it seems, is my knee.  I don't know the ultimate prognosis, but I finally made it through the day today without needing crutches or a cane, for the first time since my surgery.  And while I still don't believe that God distributes happiness to troubled people like some kind of Cosmic laughing gas, I do seem to remember a story about the time when his friends were very scared, and Jesus made it stop raining.

And sure enough, it was warm and sunny today in Atlanta.