Why I'm Particularly Thankful This Year

I have only a few rules in life, but one of them is this: if a doctor (or anyone else) is going to poke around in my intestines, I'm going to know the reason why.

So, about this time a year ago when something felt "off" with the back end of my digestive system, I didn't say anything.  I didn't know how to describe what was going on, who to attempt to describe it to, and I sure didn't want someone, who may or may not be the right doctor, digging around down there on a fishing expedition.

Besides, if I couldn't put the issue into words, it probably wasn't all that serious.  Or so I told myself.

I was probably just constantly dehydrated.  I never did drink those 8 glasses of water a day the experts say we're all supposed to drink. That was probably it.

So I went on with the assumption that nothing too serious was happening.  Or at least I did until February, when my brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. 

His symptoms sounded much worse than mine, but there was enough similarity that, once I was ready to face it a few months later, I had a colonoscopy of my own.  It was everything I had always heard it would be, except that no one tells you anything close to how bad it actually is.  But that's a different column.

For the sake of this column, the most important thing about that procedure was that it showed I had three polyps, two of which were the most dangerous kind of precancerous growths. They were in the exact same spot in my colon where my brother's cancer had developed in his.

I was almost relieved to hear the news.  It meant I'll have to have many, many future colonoscopies, (before which I'll have to relieve myself in entirely different ways), but it meant I wasn't crazy, at least in this one regard.  The reason it felt like I was having a minor operation every time I went to the bathroom was because something was stopping up my plumbing.  I still have the pictures to prove it!

It didn't occur to me until later that what my older brother was facing likely would have been my future down the road, had he not suffered it first. I'm not thankful that he got cancer--in fact, I would have gladly taken it for him--but I am thankful that I got what feels like a second chance to live a healthier lifestyle in the hopes of avoiding this thing.  It's a chance many people don't get.

I'm not thankful for those developments in my life, but I am thankful that my outlook has changed because of them.  More than anything, since that fateful day in February when life forever changed, I'm thankful for every single day I get, and every single day that I get to spend having meaningful relationships in my life, whether they are in town or a phone call away.

I'm thankful that I get to see some of those people on Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday regardless.  It's a day of celebration that requires only the preparation of cooking for it, which itself is kind of relaxing because the recipes are probably familiar and the world basically stops for four days, so there's nothing else to do anyway  (Unless you work at Walmart, in which case you have to be in by 5 p.m. to start getting ready for early Black Friday sales). 

More importantly, it's a day where no one is allowed to be negative.  It's easy to be sad at Christmas if you aren't having the Stereotypical Perfect Holiday Season our Culture Practically Demands, and it's easy to be down at New Year's if you don't have exciting plans.

But Thanksgiving is a day about looking on the bright side.  There's no cultural stereotype to live up to, except for eating too much food.  Even if you end up spending it alone, there's no better setting to pause and consider the blessings in your life.

It hasn't been an easy year for me, but my life has still been blessed in ways I can't describe.  For all kinds of reasons, there's been more pain this year than any other I can remember, but probably more joy as well.  I've even begun to wonder if the two go hand-in-hand. 

As I think through every good thing in my life, I remind myself that I'm not entitled to any of it.  I'm lucky to have every single meaningful relationship in my life, I'm lucky my bills get paid and there's food on the table, and I'm lucky that I love my city and I don't dread going to work every single morning the way I used to at a different time in my life. 

Still, I keep waiting for the day when life gets easier--when money is rampant, sickness isn't an issue and my relationships are free from interpersonal conflict.  I'm not holding my breath that such a day will ever come, and if it does, I know it probably won't stay for long.

In the meantime, though, I'm going to live in the present.  And now that I think of everything I have that I might not, it looks even better than I had imagined.  I'm blessed with things that bring me comfort, causes in which I believe and people who I treasure. All in all, that's not so bad.

And I'm so very thankful for all of it.

Happy Thanksgiving.