The Nutty Saga of New Car Registration (a/k/a Car Registration In Hell)

I needed to get register and title our new car today.  Actually, I needed to do it a week ago when our temporary tag actually expired,  but today was the first day I had the time and patience for this:  

7:35: Leave house to get required emissions test. 
8:00: Test complete, head to county clerk’s office 1/2 mile away to register car.
8:10: Discover that while emissions testing station opened at 7, adjacent clerk’s office, for some reason, doesn’t open until 9.  Brilliant.
8:16: Decide to go to downtown clerk's office instead, with a stop at home to grab forgotten screwdriver for use in affixing tag.
8:25:  Come back home, grab screwdriver, notice that car has no screws provided in those two little holes where the tag attaches in the back.  Also notice that one of the sockets through which screws should go is just an open hole bored into the back of the car with no grooves into which something could be screwed.  This poses a problem...
8:27: Go to basement to search toolbox for screws of appropriate size and corresponding nuts to screw them into.  Wonder how it is that car manufactures expect everyone to have perfectly sized screws for every occasion sitting around the house in waiting at all times.
8:28: Laugh to myself over thought of searching for appropriately sized nuts for the purpose of screwing. Unsuccessfully tell myself to grow up. 

8:40:   Find four different nut/screw combinations, but only one of each size.  Hope that two of them will somehow work.  Otherwise, I'm screwed.
9:05:  Arrive at downtown clerk’s office after fighting extensive traffic.  Upon getting out of care, I can’t find one of 932 forms needed to title car, however.  Commence frantic search, while cursing silently.
9:10:  Form found in glove compartment. Thank God.
9:12:  Begin process of titling car.  Hand 3 seperate forms to clerk, who asks me multiple questions readily apparent from face of the documents I just gave her, while she stares directly at them.
9:23:  Final step of titling car: writing a check.  Notice that while I brought checkbook, it is out of checks.

9:24:  Pay by credit card instead, incurring 3% fee.  Worth it to not ever have to deal with this again. 
9:27:  Bring tag to back of car, screws and nuts in hand.  Discover that none of 4 screws I have securely fit into grooved socket.  Talk myself out of making juvenile joke reflecting this situation.
9:35:  Attempt to simultaneously put screw through license plate and fit it into ungrooved socket, while holding my nut on the other side of the hole.  Due to configuration of back of car, however, only one finger can fit into area behind license plate holder to attempt to hold nut in place while I screw into it. Hope I can tell this story later while preserving G-rating for blog. 
9:51: Drop nut into the abyss while unsuccessfully trying to screw into it from other side of license plate holder.  Cover myself in car grime in the process of trying to dig it out.  Unsuccessfully.  Whoever designed this thing needs to be shot.

9:55:  Improbably connect different screw to different nut and secure license plate through one of two sockets.  Partially screw second screw that doesn’t quite fit into other, grooved socket.  It isn't perfect, but there's a 78 percent chance I can drive to work without it falling off. 
10:01: Park for work in very back of state parking lot, begin long uphill climb to place of employment.
10:11:  Arrive at work, where they somehow expect me to retain mental energy to accomplish something.

Some day, I'm sure, I'll look back at this story and laugh.  But that day isn't today. 

Today was just nuts.