I Hate Customer Service Centers in India

Whoever first had the idea to send American customer service calls to India should be drug out into the street and shot.  And his eulogy should be read over the telephone, in very broken English. 

I know its cheaper to pay someone whatever passes for minimum wage in India (if there even is such a thing), than to pay someone to do it in the U.S.  But in the history of calls to call centers located in India, not a single one has gone well.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't care about a person's accent.  I don't care about the distance, or the ethnicity of the person to whom I talk.  I just think that if I have a complicated technical question that I need to explain in short order, it would be more helpful if the person on the other end of the phone could understand me and speak English well enough to respond at something higher than a third grade level.

Call me crazy. 

The issue wouldn't be so annoying were it not for the fact that the companies most likely to send your call to India are the generally the ones likely to cause you the most complicated problems to describe.  Every time I've had a computer issue, for example, it's something complicated.  In fact, I've already tried every reasonably obvious solution by the time I resort to making a phone call. 

But the person on the other side of the phone doesn't speak the language well enough to do anything other than ask me to re-start my computer or click the button that says Internet Explorer. 

I know this because I've spent the last three weeks on the phone with non-english speaking computer techs at Clearwire.  To make matters worse, I'm pretty sure their techs are trying to juggle two different calls at the same time.

Ironically, I left Comcast because of bad customer service.  Unless you had memorized your account number or had your last cable bill in front of you, it was absolutely impossible to figure out how to report an outage.  And if their equipment broke, it was up to you to drive to their out of the way office and wait in line for them to give you a replacement.

So the idea of a company that would send me all my equipment through the mail seemed perfect.  Until I realized that I'd be needing replacement equipment every day, and it would all be coming from India. 

I've had three different conversations with Clearwire so far.  They have all gone exactly like this:

Tech (who is a male): Welcome to Clearwire, my name is Mary (Clearly not his real name, but he apparently chose something "American" from a book, without further research), can I have your name?


Me: Andrew


(long pause)


I'm having a probl...


Mary: What can I help you with?


Me: I'm having a problem connecting to the Internet.


Mary: I understand you to say you cannot connect to the Internet.  Is this correct?


Me: Yes, when I...


Mary: Very good. I can help you with connect to the Internet. First, power up your computer...


Me: Yes, I know.  I can connect with my ethernet cord, but my wireless isn't working, even though it claims to have a full signal.  And I'm sitting five feet away from my modem: close enough to run an ethernet cord to it.

(long pause)
Mary: Ok.  You cannot connect with wireless.  Can I get you to restart your computer?


Me: I've done that 16 times.  That doesn't help. 


Mary: Maybe you need be closer to the modem.


Me: I'm five feet away.  I have a full signal. It just won't connect. 


Tech: Very good. I need you click on the button that says "Internet Explorer."


Me: I know how to connect to the Internet, it just won't work.  I get an icon telling me the connection can no longer be found, but I have full signal strenght.


Mary: Is it plugged in?

Me: Yes. 

Mary: The computer and the modem are plugged in? 

Me: Yes

Mary: Maybe you try it closer to the modem?


Me: I can feel the heat from the modem radiating off of me.  It's right in front of me.  It has a full signal.  I just get an error message when I try to connect.


Mary: What do the message say?


Me: It says the wireless connection can no longer be found.


(long pause)


Mary: I send you new modem.  What is your address?


Me: I've already gotten three new modems.  They keep doing the same thing. 

Mary: I will need you to ping the modem.  Grab a paper clip and insert it into the sensor control valve. 

Me: I tried that with the guy (Sylvia) I spoke to yesterday. It won't work even when I stand on top of the modem. It's just not working for some reason. It's like I'm locked out somehow.
Mary: Have you forgotten your password?
Me: No, I can't even get to the point where I get prompted for a password.  Can I speak to a high level tech please?


Mary: Hold on.  Very good.  Let me find my supervisor.


(long pause)


Mary: My supervisor say I should send you a new modem.  You have to pay shipping though.


Me: Why should I have to pay for your equipment failure?


Mary: Hold on.  I talk to my supervisor. 


(long pause)


Mary:  Ok, very good. My supervisor say you should try to connect more closely to the modem.

Me: Nevermind.

(long pause)

Mary: Very good. 


(long pause)


And then Mary hangs up the phone, to inflict emotional terror on someone else. 

Very good indeed.