Adventures in Customer Service

 When my property tax bill came in the mail, I had no idea how much agony it would cause me.  And absolutely none of it was financial.

 I called my mortgage company to report the outstanding bill, but when I navigated the automated menu to the escrow option, the friendly recording told me that if I got a property tax bill mail, there was no need to report it because they would receive a copy automatically also. I went on about my life, a decision I would soon regret.

In early October a letter came in the mail from the Alameda County Property Tax Division, dated September 3rd but conveniently postmarked September 25th, informing me that my tax bill was overdue, and that additional late fees would be charged if the bill was not paid by September 30.

So I called my mortgage company, to yell at them, figure out what was going on, and most importantly, asked them why they had recently changed their name from Nationstar to "Mr. Cooper."

Was my mortgage company now a male human being instead of a corporate entity? Did Mitt Romney see the future when he famously said that "corporations are people" during the 2012 Presidential campaign, the same way he was right about Russia being our biggest international threat? And if my mortgage company is now called "Mr. Cooper," is Mr. Cooper literally made of money?

I had a lot of questions. But most went unanswered, as the call went something like this:

(automated voice): Welcome to Mr. Cooper! Please listen to the full menu before making a selection, as our menu options have recently changed. If you're a borrower, press "1." If you're a financial agency, press "2."

I press "1," wondering why I had to listen to the other option before committing to that choice. I'm then given the option of making a payment, or requesting the escrow department, property tax, or a few other things. I pick "property tax" and sit on hold for 10 minutes.

"Welcome to Mr. Cooper, this is John, how may I assist you?"

"I have a property tax bill that didn't get paid."

"Ok, let me get you over to the property tax division..." (puts me on hold, where I wait for five minutes).

Welcome to Mr. Cooper, this is Monique, how may I assist you?

"I have a property tax bill that didn't get paid and now I'm being charged a late fee. I need you to pay it, and cover the late fee. Also, why did I have to select "property tax at the last menu if I didn't get transferred to the property tax division?"

I'm not sure, but let me see about that tax bill. I don't show it in our records, but we'll put in an inquiry with your county and find out what's going on in 5-7 business days.

"You can look at the online property records and see right now the amount that's unpaid."

Sorry, but we need an official statement. Then if there's something due we'll pay it in 5-7 days, along with any late fees.

"Fine," I say, and go about my life. Nine days later I checked again and the bill still showed online as being due, so I call back, press the button to be transferred to the property tax division, and am once again transferred somewhere else, which I only discover after a significant time on hold. When I eventually get someone on the line, I can quickly tell that she has a room temperature IQ and will not be the answer to my problems.

She claims to have no record of my prior call or any unpaid tax bill, but informs me that if I want them to pay my tax bill, I need to send them the bill and put my request in writing,.

"But the entire reason I have an escrow is for you to pay my tax bills!"

"Yeah, but this is your first tax bill since you've owned the property, so a lot of people want to pay that one out of pocket."

"Why didn't you tell me that you wouldn't pay it? You're automated message said you would handle it."

"Well, we don't unless you tell us to." 

"Then why did someone tell me last week they would pay it? I spent half an hour on that phone call. But whatever, just pay it, please."

"You'll need to send us request in writing."

"Do you have an email address?"

Our fax number is... (she rattles off some numbers at a lightning pace).

"But is there an email address?"

Yeah, (at an equally rapid pace she) it's payment.proof@corelogic.paymentservices_billpay.tx/incompetence.net (I might have made up one small portion of this address. The address might have been .te instead of .tx)

"Ok."

Now before you go, can I ask if I've provided you with excellent customer service?

"No, you might a lovely person, but it's been like pulling teeth to get a tax bill paid, when that's the only reason I have an escrow account in the first place."

I send the request, along with the bill, and get an email back 5 days later saying I will receive a response to my request in 5-7 days. I hear nothing back, but the next week I see that money was taken out of my escrow on October 19, so I figure I'm in the clear.

On October 30, I check the online tax records to see that my taxes are still unpaid and that another late fee is coming November 1. I call Mr. Cooper. The automated system hangs up on me. I call back and the automated system tells me there's an extended wait time, so I call Alameda County instead, where the automated system hangs up on me. I give up.

I check back on November 6, and the Alameda County website says I now owe and even larger tax bill. I give my old friend Mr. Cooper another call, once again my request to speak to the tax division is routed to another division, again after a lengthy hold.

Welcome to Mr. Cooper, this is John, how may I help you?

"I have a property tax bill that you I've asked you three times to pay but still is listed as unpaid."

Ok, let me get you to the tax division...

"Wait, John. Are you John Cooper?"

No, Mr. Cooper is just our company name.

"Well, can I speak to Mr. Cooper? I have an issue with his customer service."

...(he transfers me over to the tax division instead)

Welcome to Mr. Cooper, how may I help you?

"I have an unpaid property tax bill that I've asked you to pay three times. Money came out of my escrow three weeks ago, but it still is listed as unpaid, so I'm trying to see what is going on."

Did you send us the bill?

"Yes, on October 12."

Ok, but I don't see it.

"Well, $1700 was taken out of my escrow account three weeks ago."

Oh, was that for a property tax bill?

"Yes, but the county hasn't received it, so can you tell me if it was sent and if it cleared the bank?"

Ok, let me work on that while I place you on a brief hold

(5 minutes of holding)

Mr. Smith? I haven't been able to track that payment yet, but I'm working on it.

(3 minutes of holding)

Ok, I have a tracking number. It's 588234765298777333.

"But what is that, and how is it supposed to help me?"

Now you can track the payment!

"Is that your internal check number, or a the number assigned by a delivery service?"

That's the Fed Ex number.

"Has the Fed Ex been received?"

Let me check on that...

(5 minute hold)

Yes, the Fed Ex was received October 30.

"Has the check been deposited?"

Let me check on that...

(5 minute hold)

Sir, we don't have any way of telling that.

"Can't you tell if the check has cleared the bank?"

What do you mean?

"When I write a check, I can view my account online and see when money has been taken out of my account as a result of the check. Surely you can do the same thing. You're a bank, for godsakes!"

Oh, well I don't have access to any of those records.

"Do you at least have a check number I can reference?"

No, I don't have any record of that either?

"Why on earth don't you record your own transactions? Can't you go look at a bank record and tell when company money has been withdrawn? It seems like a really easy thing to track. (awkward pause, while I resign myself to the reality that the person on the phone is not going to give me any useful information. Sigh.)  You know, I will just call my county office and see if they can help me, and if not you will be hearing from me again."

Ok, but before you go can I ask if I've provided you with excellent customer service?

"I have no problem with you personally. You seem very nice. But no. It's ridiculous that I keep better records of financial transactions than my mortgage company does. So this entire month-long process of a customer service experience where I've written a letter and made four phone calls in a futile attempt to have my escrow company to do the one and only thing that it is was designed to do has been ludicrously and unnecessarily painful."

Well thank you for calling Mr. Cooper!

I hung up the phone and then called Alameda County, which I'm pretty sure hung up on me again. But I called again, and (after a long hold) the agent to whom I spoke said they had received the payment on October 31, and the online records just hadn't updated yet.

"So, I'm in the clear?," I asked?

"Yes," she said. "At least until your next payment, which is due next month."