My Conversation with an Idiot

Hesitantly, I called to schedule a blood donation. The last two times I donated I got sick immediately afterward, but I figured my getting sick beats someone else dying. But I might have given my own life to avoid the conversation that followed.


The phone begins to ring...


Customer Service Rep: Blood Bank, may I help you?
Me: Yes, I'm calling to schedule a blood donation as part of my company's blood drive on Tuesday, August 16th next week.
CSR: Ok, where is the blood drive?
Me: At your office.
CSR: Where?
Me: At your main office, on Thomas Lane.
CSR: What's your last name?
Me: Smith
CSR: What is it again?
Me: Smith
CSR: Oh, Smith. Ok, and you are trying to find out how to give blood? Our office is located at [333] Thomas Lane, and open on Mondays from...
Me: No, I'm trying to schedule an appointment to take part in my agency's pre-existing blood drive.
CSR: Have you given blood before?
Me: Yes.
CSR: What's your first name?
Me: "Andrew"
CSR: Ok, .... are you calling about the blood donation set for March 9th?
Me: Ummm, no that isn't me. I'm calling to schedule a blood donation on August 16th as part of blood drive for (my agency).
CSR: (skeptically) And your name is "Andrew Smith?"
Me: Yes, that's my name.
CSR: Sir, if that's your name, you haven't given blood before.
Me: I haven't given blood at your location, but I've given blood a dozen times.
CSR: Where?
Me: The last several times, in Nashville.
CSR: Where did you given blood there?
Me: It was at the Red Cross, but why does that matter? I'm calling today to schedule a blood donation as part of (my agency's) blood drive next week.
CSR: What was the date?
Me: For the third time, August 16th!
CSR: Ok, who was the person here you were working with to schedule that?
Me: I have no idea. I would have called that person directly if I did. There have been flyers around my office for two weeks advertising a blood drive next Tuesday. It said to call this number to schedule my appointment. This is your office's main phone number, right?
CSR: Well, if the blood drive is at your office you don't need to sign up here.
Me: No, it is at your office. We are supposed to drive in at our scheduled appointment times. I just need an appointment.


Pause...


CSR: (flustered) What was the address in Nashville where you gave blood?
Me: I don't know that off the top of my head. It was Red Cross headquarters. But why does that matter?
CSR: It sounds like you are not in our system. You just need to come into our main office next week. We are at 333 Thomas Lane.
Me: I know. It says that on the flyer. I'm just trying to schedule an appointment.
CSR: We are open from 10:30-5:00 on Tuesdays. Let me give you directions...
Me: Your hours are on the flyer, and I know how to get there. I just need an appointment.
CSR: You can just come in. And if Tuesday doesn't work for you we are also on open on Wednesdays from 10:30-5:00 and Thursdays from...
Me: My office blood drive is Tuesday. I just need an appointment time!
CSR: Just come in whenever.
Me: If 100 people from my office come in at the same time, that isn't going to be a good situation for anyone. We need appointments.
CSR: Oh, what was the name of your agency?
Me: (Name of my government agency)
CSR:  I don't have any record of that company having a blood drive. But it must be at our headquarters. We are at 333 Thomas Lane. We are located off the freeway next to In-and-Out Burger.
Me: It sounds like you are not going to be able to help me.
CSR: Honey, I'm afraid not.
Me: I'm just going to talk to the person at my agency who organized this and ask her who she talked to.
CSR: That sounds like a good idea. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, honey.
Me: Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of this mystery somehow.
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I told my agency contact about the call and got the name of someone else to talk to at the blood bank. I might call back tomorrow, but I'm not sure if she'll be able to give me directions how to get there.